Legless

Sitting in the 'lobby' of the Crown & Anchor isn't the place you'd expect to find yourself drinking with a pair of dead girls - well, perhaps it is, but certainly none as lively as Amanda Emblem the Schoolgirl and Imaj The Virgin Bride of all-girl, all-rock, all-dead band Legless.

They're just back from East Timor after completing "our tour of duty with the Australian Defence Force," says Amanda. Travelling with a comedian called Fred Lang, country musician Paul Coster and Crystal from Big Brother, Legless were there on a mission to help raise the morale of the troops stationed there. But why visit troops in East Timor - after all, they're just peace-keepers, right? "Oh, third line of defence, peace-keeping" says Imaj before Amanda butts in. "It's not as easy as it looks! I wouldn't want to be over there."

"Within a week of us leaving there was explosions in the place we stayed, the Prime Minister got shot, the rebel leader got dead," continues Imaj. Got dead? "Got killed," she quickly clarifies.

"And I think that there's a lot of little stuff that happens over there that we don't hear about over here," Amanda adds, taking up the thread. "We had a military convoy with our tour over there and there were little indications, like 'you'll just have to wait in your car for now, something's going on up ahead'. But we never found out." "Could have been anything," finishes Imaj.

There was plenty of time for fun on their trip as well, though, and the "hot zone" certainly got hotter with Legless in East Timor. "We were so hot over there!" gushes Amanda, "we were so hot we couldn't keep our costumes on." "Exactly," confirms Imaj, though she's quick to point out that this wasn't always such a bad thing. "So many men, so little time... And they worked out!" she exclaims cheekily.

And with that comment, The Virgin Bride is plunged into a mini-story of mischief. "Now we're sitting in the truck with Crystal," she begins, "and there's this man jogging past - you know, part of the crew that helped look after us - and he had these little shorts on. She says just under her breath, 'geez, he's got chicken legs.' Next minute, the 'Zoo' reporter that was there for her opens the window and screams, 'you've got chicken legs. Crystal said!' And then for the rest of the trip, he whinges, 'I don't have chicken legs'." "'I don't have chicken legs'," imitates Amanda, "'but I work so hard'," mocks Imaj.

Now Legless are back in Adelaide after their tour of duty and Mardi Gras shenanigans - but that's another story - the girls are psyching up for the launch of their latest CD 'Mr. Perfect' and understandably, they're pretty excited.

"Yes, very excitement!" begins Amanda, "Our new CD is the best thing we've ever done. You always say that about your new CD, though. I'm sure our next CD will be the best thing we've ever done," she corrects herself. "But this one is also. Ten tracks, mostly new stuff and the one that kind of went good for us over there was a version of Advance Australia Fair ... it went down really well." "Actually, most of our songs went down really well," Imaj sneaks in. "Get My Knickers Off also went down especially well."

According to the group, it was hell putting the album together, with tracks recorded in "every stinking studio" by "everybody and anybody." "A complete mismatch of Legless ideas put together," adds Imaj. "It all kind of fits though - finding Mr. Perfect - because we thought we'd found him and it turns out he's a cross dresser," says Amanda, "so therefore he's not entirely perfect."

"That's what it's all about really," Imaj interjects, "that's the main thing." "You'd be surprised how many people do it!" exclaims Amanda, before the duo break into a quick rendition of Get My Knickers Off. After that, the conversation begins to go downhill, culminating in a one sided debate coming from Imaj that she needs to switch her Virgin Bride character for something a little more raunchy, like say, "Imaj on Honeymoon," as if Legless are in any danger of becoming dull. That'll be the day.



Daniel Purvis

Legless launch 'Mr Perfect at the Wheatsheaf Hotel on Thurs 13 March